No Mariner Stands Alone—Finding Connection on the Road to Recovery
by the Rev. Grace Pardun
Supervisory Chaplain, Ministry on the River, Upper Mississippi & Ohio River Region
We often expect our members of the clergy, our pastor, and even our chaplain, to embody a certain level of reverence—to have a deep and rich spiritual life, and to be a living model of self-control and morality. While, as a chaplain, I feel that I am both spiritual and disciplined, I’m certainly not perfect. And with that, I wanted to share that I am grateful to be seven years sober.
With this article, I am choosing to touch on my own recovery journey, one that began in “fits and restarts,” because I want you to know that if you are a mariner and are struggling with sobriety, I get it. You’re not going to get any judgment from me, only grace (pun intended). I choose to be open about my recovery because someone I cared about first modeled that openness for me.
Several years ago, I encountered a friend, let us call him Jake, at a bar. I noticed he was drinking a plain soda, not as a mixer, but on its own. At the time, it had never occurred to me that I could be in a bar and simply choose not to drink alcohol. Jake shared that he was approaching one year of sobriety. This simple admission challenged my assumptions. I remember thinking, “You can stop drinking, and life continues?” What I did not yet understand was that life does more than continue; it has the potential to expand.
Sobriety wasn’t easy. I had to quit alcohol a few times before sobriety stuck. The cravings lingered much longer than I anticipated. I had to let go of long-standing habits and cultivate new, healthier ones. I had to fully awaken to my own life and make difficult decisions, both for myself and for the relationships that mattered to me. For many, the recovery journey often leads through rocky and unforgiving terrain. That is precisely why, if you are considering confronting addiction, it is essential to know this: you do not have to walk that road alone.
In his 2015 TED Talk, Everything You Think You Know About Addiction Is Wrong, Johann Hari suggests that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety but rather connection. This can be a difficult concept to accept, especially since sharing a drink with friends often feels like a meaningful way to bond. Yet, in retrospect, I recognize that I was not truly connecting. I may have been socializing and enjoying myself, but beneath the surface, I remained profoundly lonely. I relied on alcohol to dull my senses and soften the sharper edges of life until, eventually, even that coping mechanism failed me. What I needed was not another drink, but a genuine human connection.
And it was this desire for a meaningful connection that helped me to wake up to this new life, this sober life. I found the connections I was looking for in friends like Jake, who paved the way for me, clergy friends in recovery who held my hand while I tripped and stumbled on the rocky terrain, and new friends in 12-Step programs—they were and are happy just to see me there.
Recovery, to me, is not an ending but the beginning of an entirely new way of living. It calls to mind Jesus’ words to the disciples: “You must lose your life to gain it.” I had to release my former self in order to grow into who I am today—a chaplain who is far from perfect, yet profoundly grateful for the new life I am pursuing.
I am open about my recovery journey. If my story connects with you, if my openness makes you feel safer to reach out for help, realize again that you are not alone. Your journey, like mine, won’t be easy, but I, or our SCI Chaplains, or one of our Chaplain Associates, is ready to be a connection for you.
We’re here to stand beside you —24/7—just call 800.708.1998. We would be happy just to see or hear from you.